Giggle McWiggle Pitch

Dear Editor, 

Giggle McWiggle has been dreaming of the day that he will master the four elements of Hirule: smoke, blood, glass and sugar. After defeating his arch-rival, Garthablog the Twenty-Seventh and saving his girlfriend, Giggle departs on a journey to master the element of glass.

Mr Bland, you know this is a blatant ripoff of the video games Legend of Zoldo and ON, along with the television show, Deity: The Last Oxygen Bender, right?

Gaining the power to change glass isn’t as simple as finding a master glazier from Melbourne, though. Giggle has to travel to the giant ant colonies of the Shadowlands to learn from the original glass masters themselves. There, he is caught in a plot of intrigue and betrayal, and he might even find a new love interest along the way. That’s right, this book even has relationships between human/demon hybrids and giant ants! It’s super progressive.

The Ant King isn’t too happy about Giggle’s arrival, and begins sabotaging his lessons with the glass masters. A servant of Garthablog, the Ant King wants nothing more than to see Giggle McWiggle destroyed. The only problem: his daughter has fallen in love with the legendary hero.

This is the story of Giggle McWiggle and the Great Glass Balustrade. Melbourne knows me as the greatest aspiring writer nobody has ever heard of, which is why this book deserves your attention. It is book six of the Giggle McWiggle Chronicles, which is intended for an adult audience. People who love Stephen King and other good writers will love this book; if you have a good taste in literature, you will too.

Thank you for considering this novel.

Yours truly,

Augustus Bland

Bland doesn’t even begin to describe this. The only hope for this book is that there’s a possibility of it being satirical fantasy. My advice is to get your head out of the sand and take a long, objective look at your work. You’ll quickly discover that it’s a long way from being publishable. And for heaven’s sake, change your protagonist’s name.