Ultimate Solar Guide

Dear Editor,

My book is about energy. At least, it will be. I haven’t actually written it yet, but I definitely have a lot of ideas swirling around. I don’t believe in doing work if you don’t know you’ll be paid at the end of it, which is why I’m pitching the project first. Once I have an offer from an editor, I’ll get to work.

Editor: That’s not how writing a book works, unless this is nonfiction, but you haven’t stated whether that’s the case or not.

My novel is about facts to do with energy.

Wait, I’m more confused now. This is basically the first sentence again, but this time you use novel and fact in the same sentence. Is it a novel, or is it not?

Did you know that there are over a thousand people with a 100 kw system? I don’t know if that’s actually true, but that’s the kind of cool fact that would appear in this book. Like I said, I haven’t done any work on this yet, including research, because why should I work for free? The book will talk about the different types of energy and where they are produced, along with other interesting facts. Do you want to know the number of commercial solar systems near Melbourne? This book will tell you that. 

Because my novel will have so many good facts, I think it is suitable for coffee tables everywhere. Imagine bringing home a date, but you realise that you don’t have anything interesting to talk about. What would you do? Well, with your helpful copy of The Ultimate Guide to Energy All Over the World, you’ll be able to flip it open and start reading facts at random. 

Before writing this novel, I expect to be paid a lump sum of two hundred and fifty thousand dollars, because it will take about three years to research and write properly. If this is agreeable to you, please get back to me soon.

I still have no idea if this is a novel or nonfiction. And write the dang book before you submit to this website.