Guest Post: Dirge

Finally, the Dirge can have the time in the spotlight he so clearly deserves! The Dirge would like to thank the owner of this website for so kindly giving up the space for his Australia’s Next Top Office profile. 

It’s no problem. We usually save this space for terrible book pitches, but I figured it’s a good chance to try something different and see how the audience responds. So, why do you write and talk in the third person?

This is just something that the Dirge does. He thinks it makes him more menacing and terrifying. Every supervillain needs to have his own gimmick to make his enemies tremble!

That’s an interesting take. You’ve currently got your beam-o-ray pointed at me, so I’m inclined to agree with you. Now, as a professional supervillain, what makes you think you’ve got what it takes to make the best commercial design for offices Melbourne has ever seen?

The Dirge is very confident in his abilities. Are you aware that the Great Rose War was caused entirely by the Dirge’s bagpipes? He created a song that could bring any plant to life and inspired the roses to rise up against their human oppressors. If the Dirge can handle that, then he thinks he can handle some commercial office fitouts within Melbourne.

That’s a fair take. But you don’t have any experience at all in designing offices?

Why would he? The Dirge spent six years at the Supervillain Training Academy and was not interested in the office design class. It was only worth half the credits and would have required him to complete an extra semester. The design class was for wannabe villains like Dr Dark McBane, who has never succeeded in anything other than failure.

Is there anything else you would like people to know about you?

The Dirge will win this competition.

Excellently worded. Australia’s Next Top Office season two releases later in the current year.