To the editor,
I have a great idea for a coffee table book that I think you are going to love. It’s a coffee table book so awesome, so incredible, that you’ll want to tell all your friends about it before it has even been released. Are you ready for this epic book? I don’t think you are, but I’m going to go ahead anyway.
Editor here. I appreciate the enthusiasm, but you only have 250 words at most to convince me that this book is worth editing. You’ve used 65 words already. Lift your game and stop wasting my time and yours. What is the book about?
My book is about a buyer’s agent for properties near Malvern East. Agent Home isn’t just your average, everyday buyer’s agent, though. No, he’s a secret agent as well. Being a buyer’s advocate is simply his cover story. In reality, Agent Home knows nothing about the property market. That’s only the beginning, though. Special Agent Home has a new assignment: go undercover at the Convention for Property Advocates. There, all of the property advocates Melbourne has to offer will be gathered to discuss their rapidly changing industry. However, something far more nefarious is going on at the convention, which Agent Home is there to stop. So, Agent Home will have to undergo intensive training to get the knowledge required to pass as a legitimate buyer’s agent. If he gets caught, he’ll be kicked out of the convention in no time.
You don’t know what a coffee table book is, do you? This isn’t a column for people to submit their awful novel ideas. This is a sacred place where I consider reading and/or editing books filled with obscure facts and random tidbits of information. Think of the Genius Book of World Achievements. That’s a coffee table book. Your book is not a coffee table book. Try submitting it to a literary agent or something. In fact, just scrap the whole thing and write something that’s actually good.