Terror of the Work Retreat

Lorne fucntionsOkay, so there’s a coffee table book idea I had, but I have an AMAZING story to get it started off. So picture this: a company retreat.

Picturing it? That’s the weird thing, because everyone pictures that differently. Some folks are all like ‘sweet, free working holiday, I can get away from the kids/missus/noisy neighbours!’ and other people freeze in terror, maybe because they don’t know their work colleagues that well or just the thought of suddenly sharing a space with them is terrifying. It’s one of the most diverse human experiences of all, clearly, so I think it can be monopolized into a book that only tells the best of stories.

I can’t hold onto my story any longer, so here we go. I worked for a really fancy company, so we booked out one of the best conference centres in Victoria. I totally forget the name, some place in Lorne, but it was amazing. I’m of the ‘yeah, free holiday!’ camp, so I was ready for a rad fun time. Then there was this guy, Randall maybe? He was in the other camp, clearly not into it but trying to make it look like he was. And look, I had a lot of pity for Randall, because you can’t choose your work friends. You’re just in a department, and if you’re not the kind of personality who meshes with the team, that’s just tough. Thus to be going away to a conference centre on the great ocean road with all these people around just wasn’t his cup of tea, and it was pretty obvious.

Things came to a head in the company’s annual squash tournament, when Randall finally snapped at the people telling him to come out of his room and swung in the opposite direction, turning into a squash fiend who won every game via brutal beat downs and really foul language. After he snapped his racket over his knee and crushed the ball in his hands, we thought we might have gone too far. What a mine of ideas can be gotten from conference centres and function room hire! Lorne is one of the best places I’ve ever been. You know you want my idea…